So have you ever heard it said that us human beings we are ahead of social animals were all busying
our way through life like cannily bumblebees bouncing off each other and you know how we responds to
one person kind of influences how we go on to respond to another and all that kind of thing.
Want to share with you Just a quick story here.
And this was I think I was serving in Oman back in my military days and we're in the middle of this.
This place in the middle of nowhere just desert cold thumb rate and I think we were laying some some
helicopter matting or something like this and in the midday heat would get pretty hot.
So you got a bunch of young young guys out in the middle of the desert and obviously we would get up
to some antics every now and again and we would literally fry eggs on our chests and all this kind of
stuff.
And I want to talk about some of the Tough Man tests back then a bunch of young guys who were all very
very eager to prove themselves.
But I remember one day it was pretty much we were going through a through twister season so it wasn't
like the word.
There are massive tornadoes but in the middle of the desert when a twister popped up the dust and the
sun flies it was just unbearable.
Just horrible horrible horrible horrible living environment to be in.
And I can remember one of these days I got stung on the arm by this black wasp or some other or whether
it was a wasp or some sort of Hornet.
This thing was massive stung me in the arm and to be honest with you I didn't feel it to begin with.
All right.
I remember just like a tiny little pennant pinprick and I saw this thing kind of like humping my arm
and conflicted off didn't think anything off it.
But after around about half an hour 45 minutes my arm had swollen up and it was absolutely throbbing
to the point where my fingers had gone cold and all this kind of thing.
And I had a guy that used to serve with Colt called Jordy mean him you see best best mates lived in
a place called Newcastle and we used to be absolutely terrible with each other in terms of playing pranks
and practical jokes.
And I was literally just a bit in tears.
All right.
My arm was so unbelievably sore and I was kind of walking walking along but fingers had gone cold.
I said Oh may I come.
I can't do any more work today.
I can barely move my arm is so sore.
I said oh my goodness let's have a look at that.
And.
There was me you know fooled into thinking he was actually bothered to pull my arm right.
He said Oh my goodness.
And then he slapped it.
Oh my goodness.
Talk about seeing red and this was one of the most painful experiences of my whole life.
All right.
Instinctively I just said right in the chain.
And that was it.
No we'd been through similar sort of experiences before we'd fall I would fall back in and cut the story
short.
Everything was fine.
But the principal Pam took me a couple of years to actually understand.
All right.
And isn't it ironic sometimes how we will respond in a more aggressive way or will react to people in
a more aggressive way to those whose slap our bee stings than what we initially reacted to the bees
or the wasps the stars.
Why did they just want to share share with you.
Just coming back to this idea that we are social animals kind of like bees flying around sometimes.
We'll have hearts or experiences in life that impact us in a certain way.
And we wouldn't give these things much thought when they first happened to us.
It's only six months down the line or 12 months or 18 months or two years.
We end up reacting to other people and circumstances in response to how it was that we were treated
are this thing that happened a couple of years earlier.
It's just one of these funny little ironies in life.
So you know I just want to talk about our personal and our social ability.
We've looked at self awareness now we've looked at the seven levels of human consciousness and I'm hoping
that this is giving you a vision for your future journey of personal growth at least something to aspire
to.
Am I there.
Absolutely not.
I'm in the process.
You are going to be somewhere in the process as is everyone else in the in the world.
Anyone who says they are they are that they have all the answers is a bare faced lie I or my friend.
There's no such thing as gurus it's just people who are at a different level or stage in life than what
than what we are.
So I want to talk about how self-awareness impacts our social effectiveness.
All right.
So going to do our best to skip around the board here so that don't get in the way of too many of the
illustrations.
But let's look at self-awareness first and foremost.
Probably don't need to go into this into too much more depth or self-awareness really as is conscious
knowledge of our own character and our feelings.
All right.
So that last video demonstrated that the hierarchy of self-awareness the journey that we can go on.
But many people are not aware of themselves.
They're busy in their way through life kind of like these bees bouncing off one in Paris and off another
off another kind of like digging around inside of the drama triangle.
This person hurt me.
Oh that person hurt me.
No I want to tell you my story about how this person hurt me.
You don't want to listen to my story.
No you're the perpetrator.
No you're the bad one.
Everyone's out to get me.
Ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding.
And when people are living in this way they do not grow and mature.
Nothing will ever change for them.
And it's not seen that nothing's ever gonna change for them.
It's just saying that they're not ready to grow yet.
So we need to understand this is life coaches.
Otherwise we stand at risk of wasting quite a lot of our time.
All right.
Trust me in this I've been there and I've done it.
So self-awareness.
Who do we see when we're looking back at ourselves in the mirror objectively.
All right.
Now we can tie this back in with self concept again or even self worth.
No I'm going to share with you the core identity coaching model in the next section of the course that's
hopefully really going to help you to break down and define yourself.
Now I'm going to urge you to go through this model yourself first and foremost because if you don't
if you don't break yourself down in this area how could you ever help someone else make this level of
sense of their life.
Right now I'm not saying that this is a kind of model or process that we want to guide all people through
and every single coach and relationship that we have.
But nine times out of 10 from experience I have found that most issues and problems that people have
are stemming.
I wrote off some form of identity issue.
All right.
Some misperceptions some allied have bought into about themselves about who they are what they are capable
of and their ability to learn and solve problems.
All right.
These are the core limitations that people have in life which incidentally are and actual limitations.
They are just perceived limitations.
So this ties in with self concept.
Who do we see when we're looking back in the mirror.
Do we see someone who's worthless who's useless who's not good enough who's not smart enough who's not
this enough who's not not enough or someone who's just imperfect like every other person on the face
of the world who has the same degree of opportunity to grow and mature as everyone else.
All right.
And our perception impacts our quality of of life so self-awareness is key.
We must be aware of ourselves before all other things or we're never gonna be aware of how and why it
is that we react and respond to other people and circumstances and life events the way that we do when
we're not aware of these things we stand the risk of falling back into the victim triangle that will
lead us absolutely nowhere in life.
So our goal was to not just stay out of that but it is in fact to grow in our awareness the more aware
that we are of herself the better we're going to become to manage our self.
Are you with me.
Now I've got an image here of the lady sitting in a guru like way margin all sorts of things.
She's got our mobile phone or tablet there and some people want some relationships are label but there
are some spanners down here and some business cards over there.
But life is broken down into a number of different areas we've got our relationships intimate social
family professional we've then got our education we've got careers of our educational aspirations and
hopes with.
We want to grow we want to produce things create things of value to the world how are we gonna do this.
We've then got our routine responsibilities don't we the things that we just simply need to do on a
day to day basis in order to get by such as paying the bills feeding the car doing the groceries all
the really boring one day and stuff.
There's some people forget to do or put off doing because they prefer doing all the really big exciting
stuff instead we're talking about living a balanced life here.
No life balance is a funny sort of concept.
I like to tie the scene with the economic term opportunity cost.
All right though say for example am I was too cool to use an example here got my coffee cup and I've
got a glass of water right now let's just say I was to go to a cafe somewhere in the city and I only
had a pound.
All right.
And I wanted our cup of coffee and I wanted a glass of water to quench my thirst.
The only problem was was a cup of coffee was a pound and a glass of water was also a pound and only
half as a pound.
Well the principle of opportunity cost suggests that if we choose 1 we cannot have the other.
And if we choose the other we cannot have the one.
So this is very very simple principle right.
And you may be saying yes Cain I get that I understand that it's very simple and so what.
Well yes it's a simple principle and it's one that we may understand that a head level.
But if we do not understand how this principle works itself in every single aspect of our lives then
we stand at risk of failing miserably as do our future life coaching clients which is most likely why
they have found themselves in some level of the hole to begin with.
Life is all about balance.
Say for example one person that you know focuses all of their time and their energy and their focus
onto working hard and building a business and being a professional whatever that means and being an
entrepreneur and all that kind of stuff business business work work work.
All right.
I'm sure you know a workaholic in some area of your life as do I.
Well what is it going to come at the cost of the principle of opportunity cost comes into play with
all of our focus is going in this one area then it's going to come at a cost of us putting and channeling
our energy in another area.
An example of this would be when I was growing up.
All right.
Am the daddy issues that I heard.
No my dad.
He would work away from home.
We can we cope sometimes for weeks on end.
He was a traveling salesman and this came at the cost of the time that he ultimately had to spend with
his son his daughter and his wife.
No.
Fast forward 20 or so years and his wife ended up divorcing him.
Why.
Because they had no connection in the marriage.
I haven't spoken to my dad for years and it's not because he's a bad man it's just because we have no
relationship right.
We never had that season of bonding or intimacy and it's not because I'm mad not because he's blind
it's not because I'm the victim he's a perpetrator or anything like this.
It's just that the relationship was never a priority for us.
All right.
What I'm saying here is if we are not aware of how it is that we are channeling our energies and our
focus then we might unknowingly be sacrificing another more important aspect of our life if not right.
No.
Perhaps at some point in the future source wise that we stay balanced and self-management this is really
about us taking responsibility for our own behavior on their well-being when we are aware of ourselves.
We're going to be asking the questions.
What am I doing here.
Why am I doing what I'm doing here.
Why is that within a business or working so hard or making money so important to me.
Or why is relationships so important to me.
We're asking these these deeper questions and we're also asking questions such as if I'm going to channel
all this time and energy and attention focus into this area of my life.
What is it potentially going to cost me over here or over there or back there or in five or ten years
from now.
Self-awareness allows us to manage our selves and how it is that we use our time so we can make wise
and well informed decisions.
So when new clients come to you they most likely haven't yet learned to self manage their most likely
become aware they're a sticking point in life something's not working for them but they wouldn't necessarily
be aware.
What.
All right so by now you're hopefully going to have some eyes to see and ears to hear exactly where they
are.
So as I'm seeing here self-awareness impacts our social effectiveness.
So I would one level of self awareness as practitioners and his life coaches first and foremost is going
to determine how effective we go on to be helping other people manage and regulate themselves.
Social Awareness is one thing us being completely aware of ourselves.
Sitting in a forest somewhere hemming and hawing and doing all that kind of stuff which is which is
nice is absolutely fantastic and many people do this through and the helping disciplines and or setting
can become grounded and at one with nature and the breathing techniques and all that kind of stuff.
But see one more loving life.
All right see when we're doing our day job or interact with other people.
All right and something doesn't go our way.
We can't just stop and start doing deep breathing exercises and all this kind of stuff.
All right self-management is the key right.
Might otherwise refer to this self-control which in the last section of the course I refer to this as
being the ultimate expression of maturity and character.
All right.
These are things that we really want to be aspiring to in life.
Social awareness is the ability to understand and respond well to the needs of other people.
All right.
So of course this is going to be relevant for you as inspiring life coach or as a life coach or as a
parent or as a husband or a wife or a best friend or a manager or a leader.
You're going to have a reason why you're taking this course and I'm hoping by now you're starting to
identify this is more of a journey of self discovery for you.
Primarily of course it is.
That's the purpose right to lead you there first and foremost before you get out there and start trying
to lead other people.
But here's the thing.
If we are not able or do not know how to influence ourself in the most effective way if we are not able
to manage ourselves effectively because we haven't yet learned the right strategy then how are we ever
going to influence other people through the process of helping them to better manage themselves.
And the answer is we can't.
It just ain't going to happen Hosey.
No way.
All right.
So if I share with you a bit of the story of I've read I've been over the last few years and this isn't
about impressing you it's just impressing upon you the journey that I have been down and kind of what
qualifies me to share some of these ideas with you.
So when I first got into the game and I mentioned this a little bit earlier on and studying the psychologies
and the helping disciplines a dinosaur first and foremost to understand myself to grow in self-awareness.
All right.
That took a number of years and I'm still in that process today.
Self management is a work in progress right.
It's not like we are ever gonna be perfect managers of herself.
But what I am saying is the more effective we become managing ourselves the better we are regulating
ourselves within ourselves.
The more effective we are socially in our interactions with other people.
Why.
Because some people are just rotten.
Are assumptions.
They are judgmental.
They will speak down to us that will sometimes undermine us treat us and use us and abuse us in these
kind of things.
But just because people treat us in those ways does not mean that we need to ever respond.
All right.
If we are able to manage our expectations of other people then we need not ever take offense at another
human being ever again.
What level of influence do you think that might give you in life.
Interesting.
So social awareness as I mentioned the ability to understand and respond well to the needs of other
people when we are aware of ourselves and grounded within ourselves first and foremost.
We are gonna be able to identify when another person and a life expecting or wanting something from
us we're actually not going to be in a position to give or that we're not going to be willing to give
because in this gorges it is absolutely imperative that we develop and build up a robust set of personal
boundaries in our life because some of our clients are going to come to us they are going to want us
to be their heroes.
They are going to want us to be their healers their moms their dads their husbands their wives their
boyfriends their girlfriends.
Some of them are going to come across and fall head over heels in love with us.
And if we do not have these professional boundaries in place we are going to sell ourselves short and
ultimately end up doing our clients a serious injustice.
Well my goodness this course has just become really serious hasn't it.
But I'm talking from experience here.
All right.
Why.
Because I've worked with people on the one on one level.
I've developed the practice I've been through there I've been there done that and got the t shirt and
then went on to start making the social impact on a local level was I was working with X forces personnel.
These days I'm doing my imperfect best to lead and manage an online community of tens of thousands of
people.
Then there's an ecology to take care off that I'm failing miserably miserably on as well.
But what I'm talking about here our ability to to to manage people socially I'm not talking about controlling.
I'm talking about influencing people well is gonna be determined by how aware we are socially that's
ultimately going to be determined by our ability to manage our self I mean grounded within ourselves
which we can only do if we are aware of ourself.
With me all for my friend our one.
All right social management the ability to influence positive social and or societal change.
All right.
Here's the thing.
Whether you are enjoying this course or whether you are orange right now is absolutely irrelevant.
All right.
Everything that I'm sharing with you are principles and ideas that I've already put into practice in
the context of my own life that have enabled me to make a difference on a global scale.
All right.
Pretty much with millions of people.
So there's probably a few lessons that we can all learn.
All right.
Social Management I've seen many people want to step right into this place of guru ism change in the
world or that kind of thing.
And what I'm going to suggest here just the closing idea is that the level of which and to which you
have been impacted by those principles which are applied in the context of your life is going to ultimately
determine the impact that you're going to make as life coaches I'm going to say this for the last time.
We cannot ever coach or guide other people in life to a level or a stage of life that we ourselves have
not already surpassed.
I'm not even necessarily talking about building businesses.
I'm not talking about making millions I'm not talking about having a healthy marriage or doing things
that are you know that perhaps perhaps we haven't done yet.
I'm talking about operating from a level of maturity that we ourselves have reached we cannot guide
people to a level of maturity in life that we are not already operating from is this good stuff.
It's not conventional life coaching training teaching is it.
But I do hope you're finding this stuff useful.
Why.
Because it's ultimately going to help you to grasp and nurture a stronger sense of vision for the direction
that you can take your future in.
All right.
Many people start here self awareness and also end there.
Some people start there and here self management which is fine.
We can give people a fish and they'll eat for today and we can teach some people how to fish and they'll
eat for a lifetime and that's fine.
But it's not particularly meaningful if our efforts and they are all right.
If we're just coming back as fish philosophy for a second if we teach people how to teach other people
how to fish we can end world hunger.
We can transform the world.
We can start a movement and we can start today.
Why don't you start today.
What you're waiting for my friends.
All right seriously are you going to do to coach people that life is lead people to the point in life
that you yourself have already reached.
And my friends become aware of the world as you are aware of yourself no matter where you become of
yourself the more you're going to be able to manage and influence your culture your society your group
your team your family your friends a global audience and absolutely everything in between you with me.
This good stuff.
Hope you find this interesting.
And we'll see you again in the next clip.